Book suggestions, discussions, and questions are definitely encouraged! January Book Club Discussion: A Sky Beyond the Storm (An Ember in the Ashes #4) by Sabaa Tahir He doesn't know her the way I do, he doesn't deserve to be sitting next to her right now.Young Adult literature isn't exclusive to only young adults, so here's a place for both the young and the young at heart to discuss books, news, movies based on books, and everything else related to YA. The front row is only for people who Tessa can stand," I complain, glancing at the line of people in the front, from Carol to Noah, I can't stand any of them, even Tessa. I love her but I can't stand being so close to her while she's comforted by Zed. Ken, sits down next to him while Karen takes it upon herself to walk to the front of the small church to approach Tessa. "We're nearly late, why are you sitting back here?" Landon asks. Someone slides in next to me, temporarily interrupting my self-torture. The way his thoughtful expression somehow calms her and she sighs, nodding once, and he smiles at her. Maybe I'm punishing myself, maybe not, but either way, I can't stop staring at the way she leans into him and he whispers something in her ear. Now here I sit, watching as Zed raises his arm around her shoulder and pulls her into his side. Now she doesn't want me, she doesn't want to want me, and I have to find a way to remind her how much she loves me. She wanted me, Tessa has always loved me more than I deserve and how did I repay her? I pushed and pushed until she was finally done with my shit. If I had thought about it, really thought this mess through, I would have known how stupid it all was. It took her father's death to make me see just how stupid my plan to save her from me actually was. It hit me like a damn truck and I couldn't move out of the way even if I tried. When she denied me, once and for all, I got it. I knew it, I knew it all along but it didn't matter, it only mattered when I finally got it. The most fucked up part of this massacre is that I didn't even realize just how much I was hurting her, just how much of her light I had dimmed. Essentially, I single handedly broke her, broke her fucking brilliant spirit, while selfishly being stitched back together. I was healed by her and while she was healing me, I was splintering her beautiful soul into too many pieces. I broke her, she says she couldn't fix me, that she will never be able to, but my damage wasn't caused by her. I don't give a fuck about making amends with any of the other shit from my past or present, I only care about fixing what was broken within her. I know this, Tessa knows this, hell, everyone in this church probably fucking knows it, but I will make this right with Tessa. I've done a lot of fucked up shit in my life, a lot. She still doesn't look like my Tessa, but she is getting there and if that asshole is the key to that light, then so fucking be it. I don't regret calling him, well I do, but I can't ignore the flicker of life that has been revived since his arrival earlier today. Zed is sitting on one side of Tessa and her mother on the other. Only me and an old woman, who I'm sure doesn't actually know where she is, sit in the lone pew against the back wall. Tessa, Carol, Zed, and what appears to be half the damn church are all sitting in the front row. Yet here I sit years later in the back of a tiny church, mourning the death of Tessa's father. She could barely stand my mum so why would I spend my time sitting in a pew, pretending to be upset about a death that in all reality, didn't affect me at all? One thing I did know about the old woman was that she didn't care much for me anyway. I never had the urge to say a final goodbye to a woman I barely knew. I had booze to drink and a party that I just couldn't miss. When my mum's mum died, I simply didn't feel like going. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I've never been to one. I can't remember the last time I attended a funeral.
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